Hitting the Menopause Wall

The quiet truth about energy in midlife

After my Sacred Becoming menopause rite of passage retreat a few weeks ago, I’m still feeling warmed and nourished by the transparency, vulnerability, and connection that filled our circle. The stories shared, the tears released, the laughter and deep listening still linger in me like the steady glow of a fire long after the flames have quieted.

Now, as the season begins to turn, I too am turning inward. I’ve been making a slow pilgrimage across western Oklahoma, through the quiet prairies and red earth, and onward toward New Mexico where I’ll spend the next few weeks resting and nourishing myself through Samhain and the dark, dreaming time of the year.

This morning, I woke before dawn and stepped outside to walk along the red dirt roads as the sun lifted over the horizon. The light touched the land where my ancestors once lived more than a century ago. I could feel their memory under my feet and the hum of lineage in the soil. Fresh coyote tracks crossed my path, and just beside them, soft impressions of deer hooves. Both wild and gentle energies meeting on this same stretch of earth.

And as I walked, I felt that same meeting within myself.

The wild clarity of menopausing beside the tenderness of slowing down.

There comes a time in our menopause transition when we may very well reach a wall. It’s as if our bodies, our spirits, and the deeper intelligence of life itself all demand the same thing: no more pushing.

The energy that once carried us through endless commitments and responsibilities…just isn’t there.

The steady drive that once helped us manage families, careers, and communities evaporates under our feet. And at first, that can feel confusing and even frightening.

Yet what if this isn’t a failure?

What if it’s an invitation?

Menopause calls us profoundly inward for a time in a specific phase of the process that I like to call the Repair phase.

It can feel like we are literally cocooned from a busy outside world that is going on out there, and we just don’t care or don’t have the energy to engage with it anymore.

We’re doing deep inner work during this part of our transition, and it radically and very decisively demands that we strip our life right down to the essentials and conserve our energy.

To simply…rest…do as little as possible…veg out…chill and Netflix…go on retreat…take a sabbatical or time off…to just drop all those spinning plates in our life, and SEE WHAT HAPPENS!

You know, we’re so pushed in our society to keep pushing ourselves, to keep pushing ourselves as women, to push through our menopause, to push through our fogginess and fatigue.

We’re not taught that it’s simply OK to drop as much as possible, and rest, and tend to yourself with loving care.

It’s a profound return to your inner self.

In the same way that autumn trees release their leaves, we too are invited to let go of what we no longer need. The tree is not dying; it’s preparing for renewal.

And so are we.

One physiological aspect of why this happens to us is that as estrogen begins to fall, the deep caretaking instinct that high levels of estrogen has fueled in us during our cycling years begins to decisively fall away.

The drive to take care of everyone else, to manage the needs of family, work, and community, loses its hold.

For many women, this brings a startling clarity. A voice rises from within that says, I’m done doing everyone else’s work. It’s time to create something that belongs to ME. It’s time to start doing MY OWN work, MY OWN vision of whatever it is I want to bring into the world.

This is the sacred rewiring of menopause. A turning point that brings us face to face with our truth. It can feel raw, even disorienting, yet it is profoundly liberating.

You may find yourself less interested in being everything to everyone and more devoted to what feels meaningful and true TO YOU, and you alone. You may long for quieter mornings, slower days, deeper rest. You may realize that the roles and responsibilities that once defined you no longer fit.

And that’s exactly how it’s meant to be.

This isn’t selfishness. It’s self-restoration.

It’s your body and spirit guiding you back to your own center.

When you honor this call to rest and recalibrate, you create space for a new vision to emerge. After the wintering of menopause comes a second spring, which is a return of energy, creativity, and purpose that feels rooted, authentic, and wholly your own.

But it’s a different kind of energy.

Not the outward, people-pleasing drive that once carried us through everyone else’s needs. That chapter has closed.

In post-menopause, our vitality begins to flow in a new direction, one that serves truth, purpose, and what genuinely matters to us. Many women find that they no longer have the desire to take on other people’s work or worries. That clarity is lifelong. It’s the body’s way of protecting what’s sacred and guiding us toward how our energy is meant to be used now.

So if you find yourself weary, if the outer world feels too loud, if your energy has withdrawn from the old rhythms, trust that nothing is wrong. You are in sacred transformation. Your body and soul are simply inviting you home.

This is the beauty of menopausing: the quiet turning inward, the gentle releasing, and the promise that after every autumn and winter, there will be a spring.

As I settle into my own time of rest on this pilgrimage through red earth and open sky, I invite you to do the same. Slow down. Soften your plans. Let yourself be held by the rhythm of this season.

And if you find yourself standing at your own menopause wall, if you’ve felt that deep “no more pushing” moment, I’d love to hear your story. Simply reply to this email and share what this season is teaching you.

As for me, my most pressing “plan” for today is to keep following the wild coyote tracks and deer trods along these red earth roads of my ancestors.

Many blessings and BIG love to you,