5 reasons to mother yourself during perimenopause
Hey there, I’m writing this on Mother’s Day, which I like to call Mothering Day, as it is for me a day that often makes me feel both tender and frankly, triggered.
Maybe you, too, are feeling uncertain or even a bit tender about Mother's Day in general, especially as you journey through the shifting tides of perimenopause. I feel there are so many layers of mothering that can arise during this time in our lives that can become amplified.
This can be a tender turning point as you face the end of your physical fertility. Maybe perimenopause brings a swirl of conflicting emotions in you about this.
You may be childfree by choice, or maybe you wanted children and it never happened for you. Or maybe motherhood never manifested in the way you imagined it would when you were younger. Maybe you’ve had children and you feel a bittersweet grief that it won’t happen again.
Then there’s the aspect that this transition can bring up many, many unresolved pains and memories about the reality of what’s missing in your own relationship with your mother. Perimenopause is a massive time of life to heal and clear out the past.
It’s so common to feel unexpected grief, confusion, or a sense of something quietly closing. This transition can stir questions about identity, purpose, and what it means to be a woman beyond the ability to conceive.
It can feel like saying goodbye to a version of yourself you’ve carried, even if only in possibility. Honoring these feelings with gentleness and presence is a vital part of mothering yourself through this threshold.
Whether or not you have physical children or have been lovingly mothered by your mother, intentionally mothering yourself, also known as reparenting, can deeply support your healing during this transformative life stage.
Here are five heartfelt reasons why mothering yourself is crucially important for your healing during perimenopause:
1. Healing Unfinished Emotional Business
Perimenopause often brings to the surface unresolved emotional experiences. Old hurts, disappointments, or unmet needs from your past may resurface with intensity.
By mothering yourself, you offer compassionate acknowledgment to these feelings. Imagine gently comforting yourself the way you'd soothe a frightened or hurt child.
Perhaps this looks like journaling your emotions daily, attending to your inner child's needs through meditation or creative expression, or seeking therapeutic support. You can also speak to yourself lovingly and soothingly, meeting yourself in the way you want to be nurtured.
Each act is an affirmation that you’re worthy of love, comfort, and understanding.
2. Building a Strong Inner Foundation
During perimenopause, shifting hormones can sometimes leave you feeling emotionally unsteady, anxious, or uncertain. Mothering yourself involves creating internal structures of emotional safety, stability, and grounding.
This might include developing comforting routines such as enjoying a warm cup of herbal tea each evening, practicing yoga or gentle movement regularly, or creating calming bedtime rituals.
These nurturing habits help build a sense of inner security, resilience, and calm, mirroring the supportive foundation a loving parent provides.
3. Cultivating Deep Self-Acceptance
In a world full of external expectations and judgments, particularly around aging and womanhood, self-mothering invites radical self-acceptance. Perimenopause can stir insecurities around body image, career changes, or societal roles.
Through reparenting, you consciously practice kindness toward yourself. Perhaps this means celebrating your body's strength and wisdom instead of criticizing changes in appearance or abilities, or it may mean affirming your value beyond societal definitions of motherhood or productivity.
Embracing yourself with unconditional love and acceptance becomes a transformative act of healing.
4. Embracing Your Innate Wisdom
Perimenopause is often a time of heightened intuition and emerging inner wisdom. Mothering yourself allows space for this wisdom to arise.
You might find yourself drawn to nature walks, quiet moments of solitude, or creative pursuits like writing or painting. These acts of nurturing yourself help clear mental clutter, providing space to listen deeply to your intuitive insights.
As you embrace your own wisdom, you realize your body and spirit are trustworthy sources of guidance.
5. Preparing for Wise Elderhood
Mothering yourself during perimenopause lays a beautiful and empowering groundwork for stepping into elderhood. This intentional nurturing allows you to transition with grace, clarity, and strength. And by elderhood, I don’t mean being elderly. I mean standing in your wisdom, authority, and power as a mature woman.
You begin to see aging not as a decline but as an opportunity to embody wisdom, creativity, and confidence. Engaging in meaningful self-care practices, connecting deeply with supportive friendships, or participating in wisdom circles and women's groups can reinforce your journey into this empowered stage of life.
6. Put Yourself to Bed with Soothing Rituals
Hear me out on this one! Because sleep can be so elusive during perimenopause, make bedtime into something special nurturing yourself deeply. Put yourself to bed the way your mother did when you were little, or, if that didn’t happen, now’s the chance to do it for yourself in the way you always needed.
A lunar water bowl ritual, an ancient feminine practice from Ayurveda, is a gentle way to ease yourself into restful sleep. Feel the calming, soothing energy of the lunar connection with the night.
Follow this ritual by curling up in your favorite comfy chair and reading yourself a bedtime story or listening to a calming audio story designed for adults. Allow this nurturing storytelling to softly guide you into restful sleep, offering your nervous system a comforting embrace, much like a loving parent reading to their child.
It might sound silly, but I encourage you to try it! You may be surprised how comforting this feels during a time of life when the ground is shifting beneath you.
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So on this Mother’s Day, let’s celebrate mothering in all its forms, and yes, this means you, too.
Hold space for this beautiful, complex journey. Celebrate every single way you've mothered yourself with intention, grace, and courage.
You are seen.
You are valued.
You are beautifully whole. Exactly as you are.
Happy Mothering Day, in all its radiant forms.
